I apologize for being away for over a month. Life has been pretty hectic and to be honest, I feel like I am drowning a lot of days. I feel like I have a lot of weight on my shoulders and each day brings it’s own set of problems. I should probably be antidepressants but I hate going to the doctor and talking about my issues so I’ll just rant here instead.
My best friend just had a double mastectomy and I just finalized my divorce. We have both been dreading these experiences. Her family keeps telling her that she shouldn’t cry about it and that she should be grateful that things aren’t worse for her. She feels like she isn’t allowed to express her pain and that her sorrow isn’t justified. Her husband told her to fold laundry less than a week after her surgery so that she wouldn’t feel useless. Her grandma is pressuring her to get reconstructive surgery because “that’s what makes her a woman.” It is so heartbreaking to see the lack of respect and support that she receives on a regular basis.
My ex isn’t a terrible person despite what my family may think. They came out as a transgender woman. We decided that it was best to end our marriage since I am straight. I still consider them to be one of my best friends and talk to them on a daily basis. My mom went with me to the divorce hearing for moral support. Since my ex is currently stationed overseas, they had to join the hearing over zoom. My mom said something like, “Wow! He actually showed up” and I lost it. Of course they are going to show up! They know how much I want to move on with my life and start looking for a house. They are the one that filed the divorce. I was a little angry that I felt like I had to defend my ex’s character at my own divorce hearing.
During my friend’s surgery, I decided to walk around Dow Garden’s and pray and just reflect on this past year. I noticed a monarch butterfly flying around some pink flowers. For those of you who don’t know, pink is the color associated with breast cancer awareness. I watched it for several minutes. I thought about about all the changes that this butterfly had endured to become such a beautiful creature. It didn’t surprise me to find out that butterflies are a symbol for life, endurance, change, and hope. It was almost like a message from God to keep fighting and not get too caught up in all the changes that have been happening. There is still hope for a brighter tomorrow.
Dear Lord,
I am your humble servant and I kneel before You today, helpless and weak.
I need Your hope for love, kindness and for a better life, Lord.
I ask that You fill me from head to toe with Your everlasting light.
Bathe me in Your glory, Lord and show me that everything is according to Your plan.
Help me walk in Your glorious light and show me the path so that I may follow You in faith.
Amen.
https://www.womansday.com/life/inspirational-stories/g29613781/prayers-for-anxiety/?slide=6
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